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所以 这篇是写给 So, this is for,
《纽约时报杂志》的吗 New York Times Magazine?
不是的 不好意思 No. I'm sorry, that...
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怎么说呢... there...
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不 我是个自由撰稿人 ...no, I freelance.
我为不同的杂志写稿子 I write for different magazines,
但这是个人问题 but this is a personal matter.
个人问题? A personal matter?
是的 我很抱歉 这样没关系吧 Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay?
没关系的 完全没问题 No, it's absolutely okay.
不过我可以问一下这是关于什么的吗 May I ask what-what this is regarding and...?
是关于我儿子的 It's about my son.
好的 我怎样才能帮到你呢 Okay. How can I help?
他... He...
有时候 我看着他 There are moments that I look at him,
看着这个被我一手带大的孩子 this kid that I raised,
这个我以为我了解的一清二楚的孩子 who I thought I knew inside and out,
想着他究竟是怎样的一个人 and I wonder who he is.
他已经沾染各种各样的毒品一段时间了 He's been doing all sorts of drugs,
但他最近已经开始对冰毒上瘾了 but he's addicted to crystal meth,
也是所有毒品里最糟糕的一种 which seems, to be the worst of all of 'em.
我觉得我之所以来到这里 And I guess I'm here
是因为我真的很想知道 because I just want to know...
我到底能做些什么 为了... all that I can about...
这一切 all of it.
了解你的敌人 对吧 Know your enemies, right?
那么... So...
我的两个大问题在于 My two big questions are,
这对他会有什么影响 wh-what is it doing to him,
以及我能做点什么来帮助他呢 and what can I do to help him?
这里是玛林综合医院 有什么可以为您服务的吗 Marin General Hospital. How may I help you?
您好 我的儿子失踪了 Hi. My son has gone missing,
我想看看他是不是... and I wanted to check to see if he had...
可能被送到你们医院了 maybe had been brought in
或者...有没有发生什么意外事故 or-or if-if there'd been an accident.
先生 能告诉我他的名字和描述他的样子吗 Can I have name and description, sir?
尼克拉斯 谢夫 Nicolas Sheff.
谢-夫 S-H-E-F-F.
他今年... He is...
18岁 18 years old.
身高大概六英尺多一点点 He is just over six feet tall.
体重大约130磅 About 130 pounds.
也可能没这么重 我也不太清楚 Maybe less. I-I don't know. Um...
他有着齐肩的棕色头发 He has shoulder-length brown hair
和绿色的眼睛 and green eyes.
感谢配合 请稍等 Thank you. Please hold.
好的 Okay.
-谢夫先生? -我在 -Mr. Sheff? -Yes.
我们医院没有叫这个名字的患者 先生 There's no one by that name, sir.
好吧 谢谢你 Okay. Thank you.
他已经失踪两天了 He's been gone for two days.
你说他失踪了是什么意思 What do you mean he's gone?
-怎么回事? -我不知道 -What's going on? -I don't know.
-我真的不知道 -两天了？ -I don't know. -Two days?
你为什么不早点告诉我呢 Why didn't you tell me sooner?
我只是不想让你担心而已 I didn't want to worry you, I guess.
-我只是... -我是他的妈妈 大卫 -I just... -I'm his mother, David.
你没有发觉他有什么不对劲吗 Didn't you see this coming?
没有 No.
你说什么 What?
不 我没觉得有任何不对劲 No, no, I didn't see it coming.
如果我发现了 我一定会做点什么的 If I'd seen it coming, I would've done something.
我只是在问你问题而已 大卫 天啊 It was just a question, David. Jesus.
我最近没怎么和他说话了 I haven't been talking with him a lot lately.
是啊 也许这就是为什么你不该给我出主意了 Well, maybe that's why you shouldn't be giving me advice
尤其在教育孩子方面 没错吧 in parenting, right?
去你的吧 薇琪 Fuck, Vicki.
我们现在能不能不要互相指责了 这真是... Can we just not blame each other right now? That's...
到底是谁在指责谁呢 Who's blaming who here?
我很少见到他的原因是 他本来应该 If I hardly ever see him, it's because he's supposed
来洛杉矶度假 to come to L.A. for the holidays
但他总能找到不来的理由 but always finds a reason not to come.
那这就不是我的问题了 难道不是吗 Well, that's not my fault, is it?
尼克 Nic.
这是你的弟弟 Here's your little brother.
抱紧了 Tight.
托着点他的脑袋 Just support his head.
嗨 贾斯珀 Hi, Jasper.
嗨 小家伙 Hi, little boy.
这简直太不可思议了 This is amazing.
他在吐舌头呢 He's sticking his tongue out.
嗨 很高兴见到你呀 Hi. Nice to meet you.
-再见了 -再见 -Bye. -Bye.
-这个暑假我会想你的 -我也会的 -I'll miss you this summer. -Me, too.
-好啦 记得写信给我 -你也要回信 -Okay, write me. -Write me back.
好好学你的法语 Work on your French.
遵命 夫人 Oui, madame.
暑期愉快 Have a great summer.
还有替我向你妈妈问好 And say hi to your mom.
-一切 -一切 -Everything. -Everything.
漂亮男孩
耶 Ya!
来吧 Come on.
嘿 Hey.
-你去哪了 -让我睡一会儿 -Where have you been? -Yeah, I just need to sleep,
-可以吗 -你最近都在忙些什么呢 -all right? -What have you been doing?
我只是想睡一会儿 求你了 别烦我了 I just need to sleep, all right? Leave me alone.
孩子们 回楼下去 Guys, go downstairs.
我一会儿就过去 I'll be there in a minute.
老爸 你听我说 我 我 Look, man, I'm-I'm...
我真的很抱歉 好吗 而且 我 I'm really sorry, all right? And-and I...
是我搞砸了 这一切都是个错误 但是 I fucked up, and it was a mistake, but...
我不会再犯了 好吗 我已经得到教训了 it was a one-time mistake, all right? I learned my lesson.
我不想再经历这鬼东西了 好吗 所以 I don't want to go through this shit again, all right? So...
- 我们就进去吧 - 不 -Let's just go inside. -No.
他们都是专家 They're professionals.
我们就去听听他们怎么说的 Let's just listen to what they have to say.
听着 我已经18岁了 好吗 你不能强迫我 Look, I'm 18, all right?! You can't force me!
喂 Hey.
这件事已经失控了 对吗 This got out of hand, right?
你不觉得吗 Don't you think?
走吧 Come on.
好吧 All right.
好 好 Okay. Okay.
我是为了你才去的 I'm doing it for you.
他需要接受治疗 越快越好 He needs treatment. And fast.
他的身体里还残留很多毒品 There's still a lot of drugs in his system.
最糟糕的是 他一直在否认这一点 And, worst of all, he's in denial.
呃 你能帮帮他吗 Um, can you help him?
可以 我是说 Yeah. I mean,
很多来这里的人都不是自愿的 a lot of the people here are not here by choice.
他们和其他人有着一样的机会 And they have just as much chance as anybody.
好 Okay.
我们有一个空床位 So, we have a free bed.
所以 如果你愿意的话 我们可以给他登记一个为期28天的治疗 So, if you want, we can check him in for a 28-day treatment
最后再对他进行评估 and then we evaluate.
呃 Um...
你们的成功几率多大 what is your success rate?
最高的话 80% On the high end, 80%.
最低 On the low end,
25% 25%.
你看 每天都有一位精神科兼内科医师 Look, he will have daily consultations
为他会诊 with a staff psychiatrist and physician.
我们每天都有戒毒互助会和戒酒互助会 We have daily N.A. and A.A. meetings.
他会受到密切监督的 He'll be monitored very closely.
谢谢 Thank you.
还有最后一页 And last page.
一切 Everything.
你为什么总呆在这间屋子里 Why are you always in this room?
你几乎都不出去 You hardly ever come out of here.
就像个吸血鬼似的 It's like you're a vampire.
我看书 I read.
画画 I draw.
你知道我们该去做什么吗 You know what we should do?
我们应该去冲浪 We should go surfing.
没错 Yeah.
听起来不错吧 That sound good?
我现在喜欢别的东西 你知道吗 I'm kind of into other things now, you know?
读厌世者和严重抑郁的作家写的书 Reading misanthropes and seriously depressed writers.
拜托 他们 Come on, they're...
不过他们其实也很棒的 对吧 they're kind of great, though, right?
我明白 I get it.
不过 都会过去的 It'll pass, though.
总是能够过去的 It always does.
什么 What does?
被排斥被孤立的感觉 The feeling of being alienated and isolated.
这话可真有帮助 That really helps.
谢谢你的建议 爸爸 Thanks for the advice, Dad.
好 Okay.
好吧 我 All right. That was...
我不应该这么说 对不起 That came out wrong. I'm sorry.
没关系 这是你的 你的想法 All right. Your-your idea.
嗨 Hey.
嗨 爸爸 Hey, Dad.
那 我们认为他取得了很大的进步 So, we feel he's made great progress.
- 是不是 尼克 - 嗨 - 嘿 -Right, Nic? -Hi. -Hey.
- 真棒 - 真棒 - That's great. - That's great.
所以我们或许应该谈谈接下来几周的安排 尼克 So we should maybe talk about the coming weeks, Nic.
我觉得我需要 我觉的我需要 I think I need to... I think I need
再多一点时间接受康复治疗 所以如果 a little bit more time in rehab. So if it's...
如果你们同意的话 我想 if it's all right with you guys, I was wondering
我想住在这里的过渡教习所 if I could stay in the halfway house here.
过渡教习所是一个开放的生活设施 The halfway house is an open living facility
每晚都有互助会 with follow-up every night,
而且我们可以帮他找份工作 and we would help him find a job.
对 我现在 Right. I don't want to...
不想 go to college...
读大学 right now.
好吧 呃 那你准备做什么呢 Okay. Um, and do what?
我想我需要独立 I think I need to be independent.
爸爸 我跟你说 这 Dad, I'm telling you, this is...
会很不错的 It's gonna be good.
他以后准备怎么办呢 What is he gonna do,
一辈子做咖啡吗 make coffee for the rest of his life?
你知道吗 费德里克跟我说 You know what, Frederick told me
他们有个朋友的儿子 that they have friends that had a son
参加了四个星期的项目但是不够 that did a four-week program and that wasn't enough
现在他又参加了一个一年期的项目 and now he's doing a year program.
我希望你不要到处跟别人说这件事 I wish you wouldn't talk to everybody about it.
这有什么关系吗 What does that got to do with anything?
这是为了保护尼克 我是说 总有一天 To protect Nic. I mean, at some point,
他也想要继续他的人生 he's gonna want to get on with his life.
所以最好不要让所有人都知道这件事 And maybe it's best that not everybody knows about this.
好吧 Okay.
我们能不能别拿我说事 Can we not make this about me?
好吧 All right.
听着 尼克需要在戒毒中心再待一段 Look, Nic needs some more time.
我们得让他去 And that's fine.
-好吗 -好的 -Okay? -Okay.
好吗 Okay?
是的 好 Yeah, okay.
嘘 Shh.
大卫 谢夫 David Sheff.
你好 谢夫先生 Hi, Mr. Sheff.
我是欧洛夫戒毒中心的安妮高德布朗 This is Annie Goldblum from the Ohlhoff Center.
我是 嗨 你好 Yes. Hi. Hello.
您好 很抱歉打扰您 Listen, I am sorry to disturb you,
但我必须要通知您关于Nic的事情 but I need to inform you about Nic.
好的 Okay.
他今天在自由时间离开了中心 He left the facility today during free time,
然后就再也没有回来过 and he hasn't returned since.
我很抱歉 Shteff先生 I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff,
但请不要觉得绝望 but please don't despair.
这是很正常的 This happens.
我还以为... But I...
你不是说他戒毒戒得不错嘛 I thought you said he was doing so well.
您应该把这当成戒毒过程的一部分 You should think of this as part of the process.
毒瘾复发是戒毒的一部分 Relapse is a part of recovery.
毒瘾复发是戒毒的一部分 Relapse is part of recovery?
是的 这 这是尼克学习过程的一部分 Yeah. It-it's a part of Nic's learning process.
这... Well, that's...
这就好比说坠机是飞行员训练的一部分 that's like saying crashing is part of pilot training.
听我说 他会回来的 有可能很快就会回来 Look, he'll be back, and probably really quick.
你们派人去找他吗 Do you have somebody out looking for him?
一旦他离开中心 It is not our responsibility
我们就不负任何责任了 once he leaves the facility.
-好的 -但是我们欢迎他再... - Okay. - But he is welcome to...
当我是个 When I was
怪胎 An alien
文化不存在舆论 Cultures weren't opinions
去找条出路 找条出路 Gotta find a way, to find a way
当我在那里 When I'm there
去找条出路 一条更好的路 Gotta find a way, a better way
我最好等等 I'd better wait
不好意思 Excuse me.
你有看见一个孩子在这附近闲逛吗 Have you seen a kid hanging out around here?
-没有 -没有吗 -No. -No?
好的 谢谢你 Okay, thank you.
仅仅因为你是个偏执狂 Just because you're paranoid
并不意味着他们不会追着你 Don't mean they're not after you
去找条出路 一条更好的路 Gotta find a way, a better way
当我在那里 When I'm there
去找条出路 一条更好的路 Gotta find a way, a better way
我最好等等 I'd better wait
去找条出路 一条更好的路 Gotta find a way, a better way
我最好等等 I'd better wait
我最好等等 Gotta find a way, a better way
当我在那里 When I'm there
去找条出路 Gotta find a way
啊 啊 Aah, aah!
啊 Aah!
哇 他们不想管这个 Wow. They don't want to deal with that.
嗨 老爸 你想抽点这个吗 Hey, Dad, you want to smoke this?
嘿 哇 Hey, whoa.
等等 这...你等等 Wait. What...? Stop.
-把它拿走 -我们一起抽嘛 -Put that away. -We'll smoke this together.
不不不 我不抽 你疯... No, no, no. No. Are you cra...
-这太疯狂了 -来吧 我知道你有在抽的 -That's crazy. -Well, I know you smoke.
-好...那...好吧 我... -我们一起抽 -Y... Well, yeah. I... -So let's smoke together.
不不不 我也就偶尔 也就... No, no, no. Occasionally, like...
-你听我说 我们一起...我们一起抽吧 -听着 -Look, let's smoke to... let's smoke together. -Listen.
-或者我可以...你知道吗 -不 你给我停下 -Or I could just... You know what? -No, stop it, stop it.
-别 别 -我就点着它不... -Stop. Stop. -I'll just light it here a...
你知道吗 你说的对 You know what? You're right.
我就点着它不抽 I'll just light it here alone.
别这么做 我也就偶尔 Don't. Occasionally,
-时不时地抽一下... -是吗 -from time to time... -Yeah?
我只会在聚会上嗨一次两次的 I will have a hit or two at a party,
但那是好久之前的了 所以也就... but it's been a while, so just...
好吧 那就抽吧... Okay, so then just smoke...
就当和你儿子庆祝一下 have-have a celebratory joint with your son.
不 不 我的天啊 N-No. God, come on.
不 不 你太棒了 No. No, you're amazing.
你拿到了...所有的 You got... you applied to six colleges,
你申请的六所大学的录取通知书 you got into all of them?
是的 Yeah.
别再怀疑你自己了 Stop doubting yourself.
看看你多棒 Look at you.
给我抽一口 给我抽一口 Give me that. Give me that.
怎么了 What?
飘飘欲仙 因为好事才抽的 Nice-nice hit. That was a good hit.
-什么 -好吧 -What? -Well...
谢谢你 让我.... Thank you. This is a nice...
这么做 thing to do.
你嗑过很多药 对吧 You did a lot of drugs, right?
我... I...
是的 嗑了一些 Yeah, I did my share.
我试过一些毒品 I experimented with some drugs.
试过 I did.
-但它们不是无害的 -什么 现在是... -But not harmless. -What, is this...?
有个家伙 他...不不 There was a guy, and... No, no.
开始给我上课了 This is the lecture part?
-对吧 -对 - Right? - Yes.
老爸 你的担心太多余了 好吗 Dad, you worry too much, all right?
-每个人都在嗑药 -你要多小心些 -Everyone does it. -Just be careful.
这就一点点大麻 放松一下嘛 It's just a little pot. I'm just partying a little.
只是偶尔为之 It's just... you know, it's just once in a while.
我现在也应当放松了 I deserve to party a little now.
- “应当放松” - 对 - "Deserve to party." - I do.
它能消磨时光 Look, it just... it takes the edge off things.
消磨愚蠢而冗长的现实时光 It-it... it-it takes the edge off of stupid all-day reality.
现实哪里愚蠢了 What is stupid about reality?
就是那些... You know, just like...
每天都发生却无任何意义的蠢事 like daily, stupid things that don't matter.
好吧 Okay.
你不能高谈这种狗屁 You cannot say dumb shit like that,
不然 你就会信以为真的 or you're gonna start believing it.
好吧 Right.
# 蓝色 蓝色 电幻的蓝色 # # Blue, blue, electric blue #
# 是我房间的颜色 # # That's the color #
# 是我房间的颜色 # # Of my room #
# 我将在此生存 # # Where I will live #
# 蓝色 蓝色 # # Blue, blue #
# 苍白的床帘整日低垂 # # Pale blinds drawn all day #
冰毒会使人情绪激动 举例来说 吸毒者会变得易怒和暴力
# 无事可做 无话可说 # # Nothing to do, nothing to say. #
谢谢你把它带过来 卡伦 Thanks for bringing that, Karen.
这就是我的家了 This is my home.
几周之前 你和我说 A couple of weeks ago, you told me
你只试过一次冰毒 that you had only done crystal meth once.
但那并不是事实 对吧 And the story has to be bigger than that, right?
还有别的 There's more to it.
对吗 Yeah?
大卫 David.
我们需要知道 We need to know.
我一直都很喜欢 I think I always liked it.
喜欢什么 What?
都喜欢 大麻 酒精 Anything. Pot, alcohol,
摇头丸 可卡因 迷幻药 Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD.
你接触这些毒品已经 And you've been doing all of that
多少...年了？ for what... years?
有几年了 A couple years, yeah.
冰毒呢 And crystal meth?
几个月 Just a couple months.
为什么 Wh-Why?
我不知道 I don't know.
当我吸毒的时候 我感到... When I tried it, I felt...
前所未有的舒服 I felt better than I ever had, so...
所以我就一直在吸 I just kept on doing it.
我还在担心你大麻抽太多了 I was worried that you were smoking too much pot.
结果你已经尝遍了世上所有的毒品 Meanwhile, you're out doing every drug on the planet?
而且还撒谎瞒着我们 And hiding it and lying?
为什么 Why?
-我不知道 -为什么 - I don't know. Um... - Why?
-尼克 告诉我为什么 -不要激动 - Nic, tell me why. - Ease up.
-我不知道 -我以为我们很亲密 - I don't know. - I thought we were close.
我以为我们比大多数父子亲密得多 I thought we were closer than most fathers and sons.
可我觉得你一直对我很失望 Yeah, I feel like you're always disappointed in me.
我没上大学 你就很失望 You're disappointed I didn't go to college.
你还怪我咯 Can you blame me?!
不久之前 Just, not too long ago,
你还在读书 你还在写作 你还在那个 you were reading and you were writing, and you were on
水球队 the water polo team.
现在呢 And look at us now.
-爸爸 - 你们能别说了吗 -我们不是这样的 - Dad... - Can you please stop? - This isn't us.
-我们不应该沦落至此 -求你了 - This is not who we are. - Just, please,
你们两个都住嘴吧 both of you, stop.
爸爸 我真的很抱歉 Dad, I'm really sorry about everything.
爸爸 我实在... Dad, I'm so...
对不起 爸爸 I'm really sorry, Dad.
尼克 你曾拥有过的东西 Nic, what you have...
你会重新找到的 ...you're gonna find it again.
而且你会全部拿回来 And you're gonna get it back.
# 漂流在 # # Long afloat on #
去吧 # 无船的海洋上 # There you go. # Shipless oceans #
# 我竭力欢笑 # # I did all my best #
# 我竭力欢笑 # # To smile #
# 直到你歌唱着的 # # Till your singing #
# 双眼和手指 # # Eyes and fingers #
# 将满怀爱意的我 # # Drew me loving #
# 牵向你的岛屿 # # To your isle #
# 然后你唱 # # And you sang #
# 航向我 # # Sail to me #
# 让我拥抱你 # # Let me enfold you. #
尼克 Nic!
嗨 爸爸 Hey, Dad.
嗨 Hey.
纽约怎么样啊 How's New York?
还行 挺好的 Fine. Good.
今天的采访挺好的 Good interview today.
-不错 -你怎么样 - Nice. - How are you?
我很好啊 I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah.
你确定 Yeah? You sure?
对 但我不... Yeah. I don't... well...
怎么了 What?
这个 It's...
发生什么了 What's going on?
今天我们有一个很棒的小组讨论 We had this great group session,
其中有个人说 他为了能上大学 and one of the guys here was saying he would do anything
任何事情都愿意做 但他没有选择 for a chance to go to college, but he can't.
- 然后呢 - 之后我们俩聊天的时候 他说 -Okay. -And when we were talking later, he said,
你还是可以去上大学的 别犯傻了 "You could still go to college. Don't be an idiot.
去上大学吧 Go to college."
我也不知道 这挺荒唐的 I don't know, it's just crazy.
我意识到我不该一直这样堕落 I realized I don't think I should stay behind.
我热爱写作 I love writing.
我觉得我还挺擅长的 And I feel like I'm good at it,
而且我也经常写 但是... and I do it a lot, but...
很显然 还有很多东西 obviously, there's still a lot
值得我去学习... for-for me to learn and...
总之... Anyway, um...
我很想去试试 如果... I'd love to give it a go, if...
如果你们都同意的话 you know, if it's all right with you guys.
好 我会和凯伦还有你妈妈谈谈的 Yeah. I'll talk to Karen and to your mom.
我座位在后面 Back here.
你见过你的室友了吗 Have you met your roommate yet?
嗯 他看起来人不错 Yeah, he seems nice.
刚才他就在大厅那儿 He's just in the hall.
不过我很同情你哦 I feel for you, though.
糟了 Ouch.
别担心 我会好好教教他 No worries. I'll educate him.
很快他就会开始听约翰·佐恩的 Before you know it, he'll be listening to John Zorn.
好了 我得走了 Well, I better get going.
好吧 All right.
一切 一切 -Everything. -Everything.
这是一首 So, this is a poem
查尔斯·布可夫斯基的诗 by Charles Bukowski.
可以说 他不止一次拯救过我的生命 This man saved my life multiple times, so...
我改了工作 换了城市 "I changed jobs and cities,
我痛恨假期 "I hated holidays,
婴儿 历史 "babies, history,
报纸 博物馆 祖母 "newspapers, museums, grandmothers,
婚姻 电影 蜘蛛... marriage, movies, spiders..."
快给我看看你们的能耐 I want to see it, I want to see it!!
...清洁工 "...garbagemen,
- 英国腔... - 真棒 继续继续! -"English accents... -Nice. Go, go, go!
...西班牙 法兰西 "...Spain, France,
意大利 核桃和橙色 "Italy, walnuts and the color orange.
代数让我愤怒 歌剧让我反胃 "Algebra angered me, opera sickened me,
查理·卓别林是个骗子 "Charlie Chaplin was a fake
鲜花是给娘娘腔的 and flowers were for pansies."
谢谢 Thanks.
给我过来 Come here.
你好 Hi.
你家的卫生间在哪儿？ Where's your bathroom?
能用一下你们的卫生间吗？ Hey, is there a bathroom I can use?
当然 亲爱的 Sure, honey.
来我给你指地方 I'll show you where it is.
从这上去 然后左拐 Go right up, to the left.
- 嗨 爸爸 -嗨 尼克 - Hey, Dad. - Hey, Nic.
你还好吗？没出什么事吧？ How you doing? What's going on?
没有 我这儿一切都挺顺利的 No, everything's going great here, yeah.
谢谢你寄钱给我 Hey, thanks for sending the money.
我真的很感激 I really appreciate that.
更加安全的注射
是啊 你总是抢着吃干酪火锅 Yeah, you always hog the fondue.
我们爱你 尼克 欢迎
派翠克和菲尔明天去远足 Patrick and Phil are going hiking tomorrow,
想让我们跟他们一起去 so they'd like us to join them.
贾斯珀和黛西在吗 Are Jasper and Daisy here, by any...?
- 他们不在 - 是吗 -They're not here. -No?
我想尼克了
- 没错 - 他们不想见到我吗 - No. -They didn't want to see me?
- 对 他们不想见你 - 真令人伤心 - No, they didn't want to see you. -That's tough to hear.
好吧 那我就只好坐在这张沙发上 Well, I'm gonna just have a seat on this couch
难过一会儿了？ and think about that?
哎呀!哎呀! Whoa! Whoa!
天哪!是黛西! My God! My God, it's Daisy!
贾斯珀! Jasper!
你们俩怎么长这么大了 My God, you guys have gotten so much bigger!
我的天哪!你们真... My God, you're so...!
- 好吧 - 丹麦 1632年 - Okay. - Denmark, 1632.
- 不是的 - 我们... - No. - We...
回溯呼啦圈国的历史 Like to look back at the history of Hula-Hoops.
和平与智慧的文化 So important to,
是非常重要的 the culture of peace and wisdom.
呃 一个勇士 Um, a man
- 名为乔治... -呼噗噜 -named George... -Hoopulu.
他...他... Was...was...
他心想... And he thought...
没错 我得去开创 "Well, I'm going to
属于自己的一片天... develop something that I..."
嗨 Hey.
嗨... Hey....
我在想... Hey. Um...
我想说 今天晚上我能借一下你的车吗 I was wondering, do you think I could use your car tonight?
因为我...想去一趟互助会 'Cause I just... I want to go to a meeting.
你今晚有互助会的安排吗 You got a meeting tonight?
是 当然 Yeah, sure.
你 你还好吧 Y-You good?
是 我只是 Yeah. I just...
-他们太激动了 -对啊 -They're crazy. -Yeah.
你回家他们都很兴奋 They're really excited you're home.
-我是说 明天早上见 -好 -I mean, I'll see you in the morning, I guess. -Okay.
好的 All right.
耶 Yep!!
在哪里 Where is it?!
我没有拿呀 I don't have it!
在哪里啊 Where is it?!
我没有拿啊 I don't have it!
孩子们 孩子们 Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
在哪儿 Where is it?!
-孩子们 停下来 -我不知道 - Guys, guys, stop it. - I don't know!
停下 你们都冷静一下 到底发生了什么 Stop. Calm down. What's going on in here?
她拿走了我的钱 She took my money!
我没有 I didn't.
好 没关系 你先过来跟我到楼下去 Okay, all right. Come on, go downstairs
-跟我去见妈妈 可以吗 -你拿走了它们 -and see Mommy, all right? -You took them!
--别 别 停下 --Don't, don't, don't. Stop, stop.
-爸爸 我没有拿 -我知道你没有拿 好吗 -I didn't take it, Daddy. -I know you didn't. All right.
到楼下来吃些早餐吧 Just go downstairs and have some breakfast.
嘿 发生什么事 Hey, what happened?
它们不见了 They're gone.
好的 你确定你放在那儿了 Okay. Are you sure you had it in there?
-是 我昨天放的 -好 -Yeah. I had them yesterday. -Okay.
贾斯珀存的钱不见了 Jasper's savings disappeared.
是吗 太奇怪了吧 Yeah? That's weird.
你是不是拿了他的8美元 Did you take his eight dollars?
什么 What?
你听到了我说的话 You heard me.
我为什么会拿 Why would I?
它消失了 总要有人拿了吧 It disappeared, and somebody has to have done it.
好吧 那就是我吧 Right, so it's me.
这太他妈荒谬了 This is fucking ridiculous.
你又在吸毒了是吗 Are you using again?
我又在吸毒了吗 我没有 Am I using again? No.
你现在嗑嗨了吗 Are you high right now?
去你... 没有 What the f...? No.
-你妈的 -“你妈的”？ -Fuck you. -"Fuck you"?
别那样对我说话 Don't talk to me that way.
你现在是不是嗑嗨了 Are you high right now?
没有 No.
你现在没有在用是吗 You're not using right now?
你在用吗 Are you using?
没有 爸爸 我没有他妈的嗑药 No, Dad, I'm not fucking high right now!
好 Okay.
听着 送你去大学本来就是一场赌博 Listen, it was a gamble to send you to college.
所有人都赞同这个选择 Everybody supported it.
我也很高兴你去了 I'm glad that you went.
复吸是戒毒的一部分 Relapse is a part of rec...
复吸是戒毒的一部分 Relapse is part of recovery.
-那么我们会... -我还是离开吧 -So we're gonna get... -I better leave.
-大卫 -嘿 -David? -Hey.
你现在要去哪里呢 Just... where-where are you gonna go?
你不能就这么离开 这太荒谬了 You can't just leave. This is ridiculous.
-你别这样 -你能和我们谈谈吗 -Come on. -Will you talk to us?
我是说 真的 我们就是想和你谈谈 I mean, really... we just want to talk to you.
为什么不...帮助我们理解你呢 Why don't... Try to help us understand.
-或者让我们帮帮你 -是吗 -Or just let us help you. -All right?
我他妈不想要你的帮助 你不明白吗 I don't want your fucking help. Don't you understand that?
-不 -不 你不明白 上帝啊 那么 -No. -No, you don't. Jesus Christ, then what
你他妈到底是怎么了呢 the fuck is wrong with you, then?
-你们到底是有什么毛病 -尼克 -What the hell is wrong with you people? -Nic.
-没怎么 你们太让我窒息了 -嘿 -No! You fucking suffocate me. -Hey.
你们他妈的太让我窒息了 You fucking suffocate me!
谁 是说我们吗 是我们的问题吗 Whoa, it's us? We're the problem?
不 你知道吗 这一切都是你自己造成的 No. You know what, you're the one who's doing it!
都是你一个人的错 You're the one who's causing it!
也只有你自己能让这一切停下来 And you're the only one who can stop it!
你他妈自己解决这个问题 Fucking solve it!
去你妈的 Fuck!
自从我接触了毒品之后 我的世界从黑白变成了彩色 我再也戒不掉了 我只告诉人们想听到的那些
吸得越多 烂事做得越多 但不用面对它们
那么 这篇是写给 So, this is for the,
《纽约时报》的吗 New York Times Magazine?
不是 No.
我是一个...我 我写 I'm a... I-I write.
我为不同的杂志写稿子 I freelance for different magazines,
但这是...这是私人问题 but this is... this is a personal matter.
-一个私人问题 -是的 我很抱歉 -A personal matter? -Yes. I'm sorry.
-这样可以吗 -噢 当然可以 - Is that okay? - No, it's absolutely okay.
我能问问这事关于什么的吗 May I ask what-what this is regarding?
是关于我儿子的 It's about my son.
好的 Okay.
他一直在吸食各种毒品 He's been doing all sorts of drugs,
但他已经开始对冰毒上瘾了 but he's addicted to crystal meth,
这看起来是所有毒品里最糟糕的一种 which seems, to be the worst of all of them.
我猜我之所以来到这里 And I guess I'm here
的原因是想知道所有我能知道的 because I just want to know all that I can
关于它们 about all of it.
冰毒的话 So, crystal meth,
会给吸食者带来一种持续的精神快感 gives the user a feeling of instant euphoria--
至少是在他吸食的时候 at least, when he takes it.
但你知道 当这种精神快感逐渐疲软的时候 You know, but when it wears off,
消耗多达60%的多巴胺 with a depletion of as much as 60%
成瘾者必须提高用量 of the dopamine, the user has to up the doses.
他必须加倍用量 甚至三倍用量去寻求快感 He has to double it, triple it just to feel something,
同时这会导致更大的精神损伤 causing even more nerve damage,
加大毒瘾 which, increases the compulsion to use.
一个恶性循环 Horrible cycle.
-你在干嘛 -嘿 -What's up? -Hey.
看点东西 Just doing some research.
你好 Hi.
你饿了吗 Are you hungry?
要吃点什么吗 You want to get something?
许多人来只是让我给他们口 Most guys just ask me for a blow job.
我不是 我只是想带你吃点东西 No. No, I'm just offering something to eat.
如果你愿意的话 或许我们能谈谈 Maybe talk a little, if you're up to it.
冰毒在生理层面改变了大脑 Meth changes the brain physically.
我们能看到在冰毒瘾者的大脑中 Here we see the loss of dopamine receptors
多巴胺接收器受到损伤 in a meth user's brain.
现在 我给你看一些别的 Now, I'm gonna show you something else here.
你能看到这有两个红色的 Do you see, right here there are these two red...
-很大的斑点吗 -能 -large, red spots right here? -Yeah.
这表明扁桃体高度活跃 Okay, what that shows is hyperactivity in the amygdala.
扁桃体是大脑中 And the amygdala is a region of the brain
连接焦虑和恐惧的部分 that is linked with anxiety and fear.
扁桃体高度紧张 Here the amygdala is screaming.
这表明 What this shows us
大脑的生物条件 is that there is a biological basis,
使得冰毒成瘾者没有能力 that meth users may be unable--
不是不愿 而是没有能力 not unwilling, but unable--
进行正常的治疗 to participate in normal treatment programs.
我过去也做过康复治疗 I was in rehab, too.
去了三次 Three times.
每次都跑 Ran away every time.
为什么 Why?
那就是地狱 It was hell.
我想死 Wanted to die.
为什么是地狱 Why was it hell?
所有都该死 All that God shit.
当你有所好转了 你不知道 Also, you just don't know how good it gets
你到底好转了多少 when it gets good.
很难描述 It's hard to explain.
感觉像是可卡因 Feels like cocaine
加量的 就像一千倍的可卡因 but multiplied by, like, a thousand.
或者说 一百万倍的可卡因 Or, like, a million.
对尼克来说 这意味着什么 What does this mean for Nic?
谢夫先生 我... Look, Mr. Sheff, I...
我不知道谁向你保证了什么 I don't know who promised you what,
但是成功戒毒的概率只是个位数 but the success percentage is in the single digits.
好吧 Okay.
那你父母呢 What about your parents?
关他们什么事 What about them?
他们难道不担心你吗 Don't you think they're worried about you?
你难道 Shouldn't you...
不应该让他们知道 let them know that...
他们不在乎 They don't care.
我觉得他们是在乎的 Well, I think they do.
你他妈知道什么 What the fuck do you know?
我得走了 I gotta go.
好 Okay.
谢谢 Thanks.
嗨 你好呀 下来玩 -Hey! -Hey! Hey, now!
天呐 God.
我要教你一些克林贡语 I'm gonna try some Klingon on you.
准备好了吗 Ready?
-你知道我在说什么吗 -我能喝可口可乐吗 -You know what I said? -May I have a Coca-Cola?
没错 Exactly.
就是这个 That's it.
这就是我刚刚问的 That's exactly what I asked.
我能喝可口可乐吗 Can I have a Coca-Cola?
好 如果你能用克林贡语问我 All right. If you ask me in Klingon,
我就让你喝 maybe I'll get you a Coke.
嘿 Hey.
哇 Wow.
一点儿没变 This hasn't changed at all.
这地方 This place.
-嘿 -最近怎么样 -Hey. -So, how you doing?
-很好 I'm doing great.
你知道 就是... You know, just, um...
嗯... um...
做一些必须该做的 just doing what needs to be done.
什么意思 What does that mean?
对我自己负责 Just being responsible for myself and...
我已经不吸了 所以... I've quit on my own, you know, so...
已经五天没吸了 I got five days now.
我已经做得很好了 但我需要... I feel like I'm doing well, but I just need, um...
我需要几百美元 I just need a few hundred bucks, though.
尼克 我不能给你钱 Nic, I can't give you any money.
是吗 Yeah.
好吧 Okay.
我只要200美元 我想... It's just 200 bucks. I just need, um...
我想重新振作起来 I just need to get some shit together.
我想去纽约 I want to go to New York.
-纽约 -对 -New York? -Yeah.
我得离开旧金山 I need to get out of San Francisco.
这有太多 There's too many...
这儿到处都是些渣滓 All these fucking bad vibes here
总是缠着我 all the time.
我只想要几百块钱 Yeah, I just need a few hundred bucks.
我们不如一边吃午饭一边谈 Why don't we just have lunch and talk?
我们能做到的 对吗 We can do that, right?
卡伦和妹妹们怎么样 How... how's Karen and...and the kids?
挺好的 她们都问起你 Okay. They ask about you.
下周是她们的演出 她们都希望你.. It's their step-up next week, and I know they'd love you...
爸爸 你在用负罪感套路我吗 Dad, you're...you're guilt-tripping me, all right?
没有 我只是说 No, I'm just saying...
我真为自己感到羞愧 I should feel horrible about myself.
我只说她们希望你在那儿 没别的意思 I know they wanted you to be there, that's all.
对不起 爸爸 I'm sorry, Dad.
我需要钱 好吗 Um... I just need some fucking money, all right?
你就不能给我一点钱吗 So please just give me some fucking money.
然后呢 结局你想过没有 And then what? Where does this end?
让我先过了这一天再说 This is... I got to see this one through.
我已经在慢慢恢复了 This is kind of working out for me right now.
-我已经清醒了五天了 -看不出来 -I got five days sober. -It doesn't look
你不像在恢复的样子 尼克 like it's working out, Nic.
你说我没在恢复？ It doesn't look like it's working out?
你什么意思 想让我进戒毒所吗 - So what, then, therapy? No.
-你可以回家啊 -不 -You can come home. -No.
-那不会... -我们会帮你的 求你了 -That wouldn't... -We'll make it work. Please.
尼克 Nic.
求你了 Please.
-我做了点研究 -你他妈在做什么研究？ -I've been doing some research. -Been doing fucking research?
-你在逗我吗 爸爸 -没有... -You got to be kidding me, Dad. -No...
你以为你已经能够控制自己了 You think that you have this under control.
你现在很害怕 我能理解 And I understand how scared you are.
我很清楚我为什么吸毒 我并不会因此 I understand why I do things-- it doesn't make me
变成另一个人 我仅仅喜欢疯狂的感觉罢了 any different, all right? I'm attracted to craziness.
但你却很不爽 因为我... And you're just embarrassed, 'cause I was, like, you know...
我就像一个了不起的玩意儿 I was, like, this amazing thing,
一个你创造出来的特别的东西 like, your special creation or something,
-你不喜欢现在的我 -是吗 -and you don't like who I am now. -Yeah?
-你现在变成什么样了 尼克 -这就是我 爸爸 -Who are you, Nic? -This is me, Dad.
这就是真正的我 Here. This is who I am.
你不喜欢你看到的我 You don't like what you see?
关于这方面 我想得越来越多 You know, the more I think about it...
妈妈不该被拘留的 Mom should've gotten custody.
因为你总是 Because you always gotta be fucking
想要控制一切 controlling everything all the time.
你可以生我的气 尼克 我犯过错 You're allowed to be mad at me, Nic. I made mistakes.
我完全理解 我希望我从未犯错 但我犯过 I understand that. I wish that I hadn't, but I did.
但你现在说的这些 But, God, what you're saying right now
-完全没有道理 -你现在就在控制一切 -doesn't make any sense. -You're doing this right now!
-你现在就在控制我 -这不是你想说的 -You're fucking controlling me right now! -It's not you.
这些不是你想说的 尼克 是毒品让你说胡话了 It is not you, Nic. It is the drugs talking.
你他妈的在讲什么 What does that even fucking mean?
神经错乱 Psychological terror.
-这正是瘾君子们的常态 -什么鬼 -It's what addicts do. -What the fuck
你现在在干什么 are you doing right now?
这算什么 你想干嘛 What is this? What are you doing?
天呐 Man.
我并不想这样 I didn't want it to go like this.
好了 All right.
我该走了 爸爸 I should go, Dad.
-我帮你订个房间 -不用了 爸爸 -Let me... let me book you a room. -No, Dad.
-在酒店住几晚吧 -不用了 爸爸 -At a hotel for a couple of nights. -No. Dad...
-我们不如去吃点东西吧 -爸爸 我得走了 -Why don't we just go get some food? -Dad, I should go.
至少 说一声再见吧 Can you say good-bye, at least?
再见 爸爸 Bye, Dad.
他睡哪儿呢 Where does he sleep?
别担心了 宝贝 Um, don't worry about that, sweetie.
他没事 He's fine.
嗯... Um...
他可能睡在他的朋友那儿 maybe he has a friend and he sleeps there.
-是啊 可能 -海豚 Yeah. Maybe. - Dolphin.
-但愿如此吧 -第一个字是“大” - Hope so. - Need "E."
大象 Elephant.
我能给他打电话吗 Can I call him?
不行 我已经试过了 No. I tried.
-他的手机不在服务区 -我能给他发信息吗 -His phone's disconnected. -Can I send him a message?
可能他感到寂寞的时候 会打开他的手机呢 Maybe he'll get lonely and turn his phone back on?
好主意 That's a good idea.
是啊 让我们试试看 Yeah. Let's try that.
大卫 Dave.
-怎么了 -我们走吧 - Yeah? - Okay. Let's go.
大卫 闭上眼睛 Hey, Dave, close your eyes.
闭上了 Okay.
睁开吧 And... open 'em!
哇 Wow.
哇 Wow!
喂 Hello?
我是纽约贝尔维尤医院的朱莉·福特 This is Julie Ford at the Bellevue Hospital in New York.
尼克·谢夫是你的儿子吗 Is Nic Sheff your son?
谢夫先生 Mr. Sheff,
很抱歉我们之前没能见上面 I'm sorry we missed each other earlier.
尼克现在仍有呼吸抑制的症状 So, Nic is still experiencing some respiratory depression,
不过 重要的体征都显示不错 but his vital signs are returning.
先生 我们马上要起飞了 Sir, we're ready for departure.
好的 马上 Okay, okay.
我能跟他说几句吗 Um... may I talk to him?
-不大可能 -先生 请您关机 -No, that won't be possible. -Sir, I need you to turn off
-您的手机 -我们现在不能叫醒他 -the phone. -Believe me, we shouldn't wake him up.
不过几个小时之后应该可以 --Try again in a few hours, though, okay?
-好的 请你转告他... -先生 麻烦 - Okay. Would you let him know that... -Sir. Sir.
-请关机 -请告诉他我在过去的路上了 -Please. -Would you please let him know that I'm on my way?
他已经出院了 He checked out.
什么 What?
医生阻止过他 Against doctor's orders.
-不 他吸毒过量了 -很抱歉 先生 -No, no, he O.D.'d. -I'm sorry, sir.
他把注射器和导管都拔了 然后离开了 He pulled out the I.V. and catheter, and left.
离开多久了 How long ago?
十到十五分钟 Ten to 15 minutes.
很抱歉 先生 I'm sorry, sir.
宝贝 我需要你的爱 Darling, I need your love...
我在 Yes.
你的爱 Your love
宝贝 我需要你的爱 Darling, I need your love
宝贝 Darling
我如此爱你 I love you so
我想让全世界都知道 And I want the whole world to know
我不会让你离开 I'll never let you go...
我已经想过了 Look, I've thought about it,
我绝不再碰毒品了 and I'm done with drugs.
就这样 This is it.
爸爸 我跟你说 I'm telling you, Dad.
我不碰毒品了 I'm done.
你是我的梦中情人 You're all I ever dream of
不要离开我 Never leave me...
你为什么会这么说 And how would that work?
怎么解释之前发生的事呢 I mean, after what just happened.
… -和我在一起 … - Stay with me
宝贝和我在一起 Stay with me, darling
宝贝 我要你的吻 Darling, I need your kiss
你的爱让我无法抗拒 Your love I can't resist...
现在 如果你在这个区域 Now, if you're in the area,
疏散通知和其他信息 evacuation orders and details,
包括安置中心 可以在这里找到… including relocation centers, can be found on...
在三点的时候 我们和密西西比的人员 So, at 3:00, we have a conference call
开了一个电话会议 with the intake people in Mississippi.
目前的情况就是这样 That's all for now.
三点半 和新墨西哥的通了话 3:30, the one in New Mexico.
然后四点 和俄勒冈的一个联系了 And 4:00, the one in Oregon.
对新墨西哥的那个我做了一些调查 I did some research on the one in New Mexico.
他们一个月收费40000美元 They charge $40,000 a month.
但是它的评价不是很好 You know, it's not even that well rated.
那我们就跳过这个 We'll just skip that one.
如果洛杉矶有戒毒所的话 Listen, if a spot opens up here in Los Angeles,
也许是现在最好的解决办法 maybe that's the best solution for now.
我在一个小时内能得到他们的回复 I'll hear back from them in an hour. .
休息一会儿吧 大卫 Give it a rest, David.
为什么不让我来负责这件事呢 Why don't you let me take over for now?
爸爸 Dad?
怎么了 Yeah.
你要每十五分钟就来检查我一次吗 Will you check on me every 15 minutes?
是的 Yes.
闭上眼睛 Close your eyes
不用害怕 Have no fear
妖怪已经走了 The monster's gone
它跑了 He's on the run
你的爸爸在这 And your daddy's here
漂亮的 漂亮的 Beautiful, beautiful
漂亮的 Beautiful
漂亮的男孩 Beautiful boy
漂亮的 漂亮的 Beautiful, beautiful
漂亮的 Beautiful
漂亮的男孩 Beautiful boy
你还要带上你的一个恐龙吗？ Do you want to bring one of your dinosaurs, too?
在你穿过街道 Before you cross the street
带一本书吧 How about a book?
牵住我的手 Take my hand
不带吗 好吧 No? Okay.
你的生活也仍在继续 Life is what happens to you
即使你忙着 While you're busy
-做其他计划的时候 -你准备好了吗 - Making other plans -You ready?
嘿 嘿 Hey. Hey.
亲爱的 亲爱的 Darling, darling...
我能抱一下你吗 Can I have a hug?
不行？ No?
为什么 Why not?
你在生我的气吗 Are you mad at me?
因为我让你离开 'Cause you have to go?
好吧 Okay.
你见到妈妈就会很开心了 对吧 Well... you'll be happy to see Mommy, though, right?
我想让你知道 I want you to know something.
等你回来的时候 我肯定会在这里 When you come back, I'm gonna be here...
我会来这里接你 right... I'm gonna be right here for you.
好吗 Okay?
想我的时候给我打电话 我也会打电话给你 And call me when you miss me, and I'll call you.
你知道我多爱你吗 Do you know how much I love you?
用尽你所有的言语 If you could take all the words in the language,
也无法表达我多爱你 it still wouldn't describe how much I love you.
你把所有的话放在一起 And if you could gather all those words together,
也无法表达我对你的感情 it still wouldn't describe what I feel for you.
我对你的感情就是一切 What I feel for you is everything.
我爱你胜过一切 I love you more than everything.
一切 Everything?
对 一切 Yeah, everything.
嘿 Hey.
这是我妈妈 That's my mom.
我能来洛杉矶我真的很开心 I'm really glad you came to L.A.
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你知道的 对吧 You know that, right?
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你不明白这对我的意义... You just don't know what it is to be...
-妈妈 别这样 -好的 -Please don't do this, Mom. -Okay.
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我真抱歉 我打住 I'm sorry. Okay.
我一直牵挂的人就是你 All I could think about was you.
我知道说这个没什么意义 但我真抱歉 I know this must sound meaningless, but I'm sorry.
我真抱歉 I'm-I'm sorry.
小尼 Nicky.
你真的是个好孩子 You are such a darling.
你知道的 对吧 You know that, right?
嘿 快点 老家伙 Hey, come on, old man!
-你太嚣张了 -我没有嚣张 -You're being so disrespectful. -I'm not being disrespectful.
你真是太嚣张了 You're being so disrespectful.
-我来追你了 -混蛋 - I'm coming for you! - Motherfucker!
你马上得看着我屁股了 宝贝 You about to look at my ass, baby!
你得看着我的屁股咯 You about to look at my ass!
操你妈 Fuck.
我帮人就得到这种回报 That's what I get for helping.
你为什么拉的这么用力 Why'd you pull that hard?
-对不起啦 -你为什么讨厌我 - I'm sorry. - Why do you hate me?
这感觉如何 How does this feel?
我感到自己真正像个人了 Like I'm a real human being.
有一天 我尝试了冰毒... One day, I tried methamphetamine...
是的 感觉很棒 Yeah. That felt good.
...我想 ...and I thought,
这就是我生命中一直缺少的东西 "This is what's been missing."
我觉得自己完整了 I felt complete.
今天是美好的一天 Today's a good day.
是的 从此以后 Yeah, I've been chasing that high
我一直在追寻那种快感 ever since.
无论... No matter...
我能搞到多少冰毒 how much meth--
或者其他任何毒品来注射 or whatever else I can find to shoot up into my body--
我永远觉得不够 I do, it's never enough.
我去过几个康复中心 And I went to a couple of rehabs,
我试着戒毒 I detoxed,
当然了 他们会说些吸毒引起疾病之类的 they would talk about disease, sure,
但是... but...
这并不管用 it never clicked.
直到有一天 我在医院醒来 Until one day I woke up in a hospital
有人问我 and someone asked me,
你怎么了 "What's your problem?"
我说 我酗酒且是个瘾君子 And I said, "I'm an alcoholic and an addict."
然后他说 And he said...
不 那只是你处理自身问题的方式 "No, that's how you've been treating your problem."
没错 That's right.
我知道 我现在需要找到一个方法 I know now I need to find a way
来填补... to fill this...
我内心这个... big...
巨大的黑洞 black hole in me.
无论如何 总之... Anyway, so...
我已经戒瘾14个月了 I'm 14 months clean.
我在康复中心工作 I have a job at a rehab.
能帮助其他人戒瘾使我充实 It's fulfilling to help other people get sober.
我有个导师 叫斯宾塞 I have a sponsor, Spencer.
他让我知道 清醒的人生会是多么棒 Shows me how great my life can be sober.
同时 我还有家人的支持 And, um, I still have family.
我妈妈很棒 My mom's been amazing.
我爸爸也很棒 My dad's been amazing, too.
我希望他们能以我为荣 I want them to be proud of me.
我想要生活 I want to live
我想要付出 I want to give
我一直是个矿工 I've been a miner
只为找寻那金子般善良的心 For a heart of gold
这从未有过的表白 It's these expressions
让我继续找寻... I never give that keep me searching... ?
你没事吧 You all right?
怎么了 你紧张吗 What's wrong? You nervous?
是的 Yeah.
而我渐渐老去 And I'm getting old
让我继续寻找... Keep me searching for a...
谢谢你娶我 Thank you for marrying me.
谢谢你成为我在这不完美世界中的 Thank you for being a perfect partner
完美的另一半 in an imperfect world.
谢谢你把我介绍给你那超棒的儿子 Thank you for introducing me to your amazing son.
我就在这里 I'm here for you,
而且会一直和你在一起 and I'm here to stay.
卡伦 谢谢你... Karen, thank you...
爱我 for loving me.
也谢谢你爱他 And thank you for loving him.
让我继续找寻 Keep me searching
那金子般善良的心 For a heart of gold
你让我继续找寻 You keep me searching
而我渐渐老去 And I'm growing old
直视着他的眼睛 他说 超人... Looks him square in the eye, and he says, "Superman..."
让我继续找寻那金子般善良的心 Keep me searching for a heart of gold ?
完美 Perfect.
我一直是个矿工 I've been a miner
只为找寻那金子般善良的心 For a heart of gold
-嘿 见到你很高兴 -很高兴见到你 -Hey, good to see you. -Good to see you.
嘿 黛西 嘿 黛西 Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy!
嘿 爵士杰夫 Hey, Jazzy Jeff.
最近怎么样 伙计 What's going on, man?
嘿 伙计 我很想你 Hey, man, I miss you more
比夜晚太阳思念月亮还要想 than the sun misses the moon at night.
-嘿 卡伦 -嘿 -Hey, Karen. -Hey.
谢谢你邀请我来 Thank you for inviting me.
真的 Seriously.
你无法偷走 Can't steal the way
我今天醒来时的感受 I fuckin' felt when I got up today
哦 我猜你是法官 Well, I guess you're the judge
我觉得我永远是选美大赛的无冕之王 Of the forever beauty pageant I'm always...
快跑 黛西 跑起来 Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
跑啊 黛西 Go, Daisy!
嗨 亲爱的 Hey, honey.
快 快跑 黛西 Go, Daisy, go!
抓到了 Nice.
还有你 You!
黛西还小 It's Daisy!
哇 Whoa!
如果吸毒者大脑里的 "If the marker is depleted
标记物大量减少 "in meth addicts' brains,
颅内神经末梢可能就会减少 "it's likely there is a loss of nerve terminals
造成的脑损伤是不可修复的 "and the brain damage is irreversible.
但是 当我测试微囊泡转运蛋白时 "However, when I tested for VMAT2,
-我发现数值正常 -这算是好消息 -I found normal levels." -So that's optimistic.
-数值正常确实是好消息 -这... -Normal levels is optimistic, yeah. -It's...
-是好的 -对 -It is. -Okay.
-我不是在... -我只是想确认一下 -No. I'm not... -I was just checking.
-不 不 你是对的 -好吧 -No, no, that's good. -Okay.
也就是说 Basically...
那些损坏的 the fried...
尼克颅内损坏的神经末梢 Nic's fried nerve endings
是可以恢复的 can grow back.
他们说两年时间 但... They say it can take two years, but...
-两年吗 -对 -Two years? -Yeah.
这已经很好了 大卫 But that's great, David.
-我回来了 -回来啦 -Hey. -Hey.
-有点迟哦 -这是一次很棒的会议 -You're kind of late. -Yeah. It was a great meeting,
我们还去了演讲者的家里 and after, we went to the speaker's house
看了一个视频 然后... and watched a video and...
然后还见了之前一起戒毒的朋友 所以就晚了 saw my sober sponsee bros earlier, so...
手机呢 No phone?
手机没电了 My cell was dead.
你愿意做一个毒品检测吗 Would you be okay to do a drug test?
好啊 当然 Yeah, I mean, sure.
好的 Okay.
你明白我为什么要这么做的 对吧 You understand why, right?
我本该打电话告诉你一声的 所以... Yeah. I mean, I should've called to let you know, so...
我是相信你的 但我们还需要一些证明 I trust you-- we just need to have some sort of proof.
这两句话是自相矛盾的 That's about as contradictory as it gets.
-但是... -我懂 -But... -I know. I know.
我会做的 没有问题 I'll do it. No worries.
我没什么要隐瞒的 Nothing to hide.
那就好 Okay.
你做得很棒 Hey, you're doing great.
你真的很棒 You really are.
我算过了 已经485天没有碰毒品了 By my count, 485 days clean.
哇 这简直... Wow. Come on, that's...
我把结果留在卫生间 好吗 I'll just leave it in the bathroom, right? Okay.
好的 All right.
-晚安 爸爸 -晚安 -Good night, Dad. -Good night.
-我爱你 -我也爱你 -I love you. -I love you, too.
-好了 贾斯珀 准备好了吗 -好了 -All right, Jasper, you ready? -Yep.
冲鸭 冲鸭 Let's go, let's go, let's go.
别去 等等 Hey. No, no, no, wait.
-贾斯珀 我不想你下海 -怎么了 -Jasper, I don't want you to go out there. -What?
妈妈 我们不会走太远的 我发誓 Mom, we won't go far, I swear!
海里浪太大了 太危险了 The waves are too big. It's too dangerous.
但我很会游泳啊 But I am a great swimmer.
我以前冲过的浪 可比这大多了 I've been in waves way bigger than this.
我知道 但我还是不想... Yes, I know that, but I don't want you to...
-我会看着他的 -尼克会看着我的 -Yeah, I'll stay close. -Nic will stay close,
你听到了吧 you see?
卡伦 我会看好他的 Karen, I'm gonna stay...
-我不会离开他的 -尼克可以下水 - I'll stay close. - Nic can go in.
他没问题 但你不行 That's fine. You, no.
就这样决定 And that is final.
我们走着瞧 We'll see about that.
-你说什么 -好了 别说了 - Hey! - Okay. It's fine.
够了 It's fine.
不如我们个玩游戏吧 Should we just play a game instead?
怎么样 Yeah?
你是个“充浪板”吗 Are you a hurfboard?
-不是 -不是吗 - No. - No?
你是个“字行车”吗 Are you a hicycle?
-不是 -还不是吗 - No. - No?
好吧 你是可食用的吗 Okay. Are you edible?
不完全是 Not really.
-不完全是？ -不完全是 -Not really? -Not really.
大概是可食用的 So, sort of.
那么 So, um...
你是一栋房子吗 are you a house?
哇 你怎么猜出来的 Yes. How did you know?
你知道么 You know,
我能看穿你的心思 I can read your mind.
-呜哦... -呜哦.. - Ooh... - Ooh...
我知道你是个游泳健将 I know you're a great swimmer.
我会在你下一次游泳比赛上 为你欢呼的 I'm gonna be there to cheer for you at your next swim meet.
怎么样 How does that sound?
开心么 Yeah?
好的 Okay.
隔了这么长时间 见到我是不是觉得怪怪的 Hey, is it weird to see me after all this time?
还是不怪 Or no?
刚开始有点儿吧 I guess it was, at first.
-嗯 -我以为你可能和以前不一样了 -Okay. -I thought you might be different.
但你还是原来那个尼克 But you're just the same old Nic.
这里将会是 This'll be
我永远的家 My last home
-这股溪流 -好了 谢谢 -But this stream - All right. Thanks.
会陪我度过 Will carry me through
将带我度过难关 Will carry me through
那个周末非常愉快 That was a great weekend.
-但是这条河流 - 拜拜 尼克 - But this stream -Bye, Nic!
不在是家了 Isn't home no more
现实会 And truth can
产生免疫力 Make immune
如果没有让你变得更明智 If it doesn't make you wiser
没有让你变得更坚强 Doesn't make you stronger
没有让你活得更自在 Doesn't make you live a little bit
你在做什么呢 What are you doing
如果没能让你变得更明智 If it doesn't make you wiser
没能让你变得更坚强 Doesn't make you stronger
没能让你生活得更自在 Doesn't make you live a little bit
你在做什么呢 What are you doing
加油 尼克 Go, Nic!
在离别的这些日子里 In these parting days
我感受不到任何东西 I am losing all my senses
在离别的这些日子里 In these timeless days
我几乎看不清 ? I can barely see through.
拜拜 尼克 拜拜 尼克 Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic!
拜拜 尼克 Bye, Nic!
一天一天慢慢来 伙计 One day at a time, man.
祝贺你 欢迎来到现实世界 Congratulations. Welcome to the real world.
我不想活在现实的世界里 I don't want to live in the real world.
我受够了生活在那里 I'm so sick of living in it.
- 那是你的心魔在作怪 伙计 --That's your disease talking to you, man.
- 我试着 - 试着孤立你 - I'm trying. - By trying to isolate you.
试着杀死你 你知道吗 伙计 Trying to kill you. You know this, man.
我不觉得我自已生病了 斯宾塞 I don't feel like I have a disease, Spencer.
我感觉... I feel like...
- 好吧 你试着 - 这不是他妈的癌症 -Well, you got to. -This isn't like fucking cancer.
这是我他妈自已的选择 是我把自己逼到了这个地步 This is my fucking choice. I put myself here.
是的 你自已把自已逼到那的 Yeah, you did. You did put yourself there.
你还想让我说吗 还是怎么样 Are you gonna let me talk or what?
好吧 你是个作家 对吧 那就写啊 Okay? Like, you're a writer, right? So write.
你擅长这个 这是你的生活 你的选择 You're good at it. This is your day. This is a choice.
- 你现在想做什么 - 去他妈的 - What do you want to do now? - Fucking...
一但你开始嗑药 你将失去你所有的选择 Once you get high, you lose all your choices.
- 如果你嗑药的话 你会失去一切 - 是的 -If you get high, you lose everything. -Right.
好 所以你必须选择正确的那条路 All right, so you got to keep choosing the right way.
- 是的 - 对的 -Right. -That's right.
你必须选择正确那条路 You choose the right way.
好的 好了 听着 Right. All right, hey, listen,
我等会再打给你 好吗 I'm gonna give you a call later, all right?
我 我觉得我会好起来的 I-I feel like I'm gonna do all right.
你现在是在耍我吗 You blowing me off now?
你打电话给我来浪费我的时间的吗 You gonna call me and waste my time?
不要浪费我的时间 我一直都在这陪着你 伙计 Don't waste my time. I'm here for you, man.
不如这样 听着 今晚我们家准备吃牛排 You know what, look, I'm having some steaks tonight.
不如你过来吃晚餐吧 Why don't you come over for dinner.
- 好的 那晚上见 - 你... -All right, I'll see you then. -You...
听起来不错 那晚上见 That sounds great. I'll see you then.
- 尼克 尼克 - 是的 那晚上见 -Yo, Nic, Nic. -Yes, sir. I'll see you then.
- 尼克... - 好的 拜拜 -Nic... -All right, bye-bye.
尼克 谢夫 Nic Sheff.
劳伦 真巧 Lauren. What?
你是不是 What are you...
哇 好久不见 Wow, it's been a long time.
你在这做什么呢 What-what are you doing here?
只是... Just...
什么 What?
我已经很久没吸毒了 I've been sober for a while,
但是我现在真想去参加聚会 but I'm seriously looking to party right now.
我有你想要的 我们有摇头丸 还有药丸 伙计 I got what you need. We have E, we have pills, man.
我们有摇头丸 给你说过的 We have E. I told you, I told you.
能给我一杯水和一个勺子吗 Can you get me a cup of water and a spoon?
好的 All right.
- 给你 - 谢谢 -Here you go. -Thank you.
棉花还有勺子 Cotton and a spoon.
好了 就这样 All right, that's it.
对的 That's it.
哇 Wow.
你的电话已经 Your call has been forwarded
被转接到自动语音系统了 to an automated voice messaging system.
请在响声后 留下你的信息 At the tone, please record your message.
还是爸爸 It's Dad again.
我感觉你离开的时候 I feel like you might have been a little down
看起来有点失落 尼克 如果你想说什么的话我会一直在这里 when you left, Nic, so I'm here to talk if you need to.
好了 All right.
所以你完全不知道他在哪里吗 So you have no idea where he is?
斯宾塞告诉我他听到了他的消息 Spencer told me he heard from him.
他正处于难受的时候 但是他会振作起来的 He was having a difficult time, but he was pulling through.
但是 他没有上班也没有在家 But, yeah, he's not at work, he's not at home.
- 电话也不接 - 去他的 薇琪 -He's unreachable on his cell. -Damn it. Damn it. Vicki,
他两天前离开这的 为什么当时没有去找他 he left here two days ago. Why didn't you check on him?
应该是你负责照看这个孩子的 对吧 You're supposed to be taking care of this kid, right?
你他妈怎么回事 大卫 What the fuck, David?
去年这一整年是谁一直在照顾他的 Who's been taking care of him the last year?
好吧 你应该看着他的 Well, you could've checked on him.
我的意思是 你有什么毛病吗 I mean, what the fuck is your problem?
你觉得我整天都在做什么 What do you think I do all day?
再说了 我们不可能24小时看着他啊 Besides, we can't run surveillance on him 24/7.
我觉得你现在应该去警察局 I think you need to go to the police right now
提交一个失踪人员报告了 好吗 and file a missing persons report, okay?
- 别再对我大喊大叫了 - 不 我会一直 -Stop yelling at me! -No, I'm not gonna stop
-对你大喊大叫的 薇琪 -我讨厌你那样做 -yelling at you, Vicki. -I hate it when you do that.
-因为你只是... -你彻底疯了 - Because you're just... - You're totally crazy.
你到底在那儿干什么 What are you even doing there?!
-真他妈的不公平 大卫 -不 不 听我说 - Fucking unfair, David! - No, no! Listen to me!
是什么... What are...
该死的 Damn.
妈的 Fuck!
大卫 Dave?
能麻烦你打下我电话吗 Could you call my phone, please?
发生什么事儿了 What's going on?
尼克不见了 He's gone.
我们怎么知道他是不是在洛杉矶 How do we even know he's in L.A.?
我是说 他可能在旧金山 他可能在... I mean, he could be in San Francisco. He could be...
他可能在他妈的墨西哥 就我们所知 he could be in fucking Mexico, for all we know.
我得走了 I need to go.
是吗 但是我要你留下 Yeah, but I need you to stay.
嗯 薇琪不能像我这样处理.... Well, Vicki can't handle it like I...
我不关心薇琪怎么样 这跟薇琪没关系 I don't care about Vicki. This isn't about Vicki.
好吧 你为什么不放松点 试着讲点道理 Okay, why don't you just relax and try to be reasonable.
-什么 就你讲道理 -我还不讲道理吗 - What? You be reasonable. - I am being reasonable.
这算讲道理吗 Is this reasonable?!
不 不算 No! It's not!
我还能怎么样 How can I be?!
我儿子在外面某个地方 My son is out there somewhere,
我不知道他在干什么 and I don't know what he's doing!
我不知道怎么帮助他 I don't know how to help him!
你帮不了他 You can't!
我睡不着觉 I can't sleep.
你睡不着吗 You can't sleep?
我睡不着 I can't sleep.
好吧 Okay.
晚安 爸爸 Good night, Daddy.
晚安 Good night.
日出 Sunrise
日落 Sunset
这还是我看着长大的 Is this the little girl
那个小女孩吗 I carried?
这还是当年在玩耍的 Is this the little boy
小男孩吗 At play?
放开啦 Let go!
飞机起飞啦 Airplane flying!
我不记得他们 I don't remember
-长大了 -飞机 - Growing older - Airplane!
飞走啦 飞啊 Fly away! Fly!
-他们何时长大的 -飞机 推啊 - When did they? - Airplane! Push!
她何时变成了 When did she get to be
一位美人 A beauty?
他何时已长得 When did he grow to be
如此高 So tall?
噢... Ooh...
仿佛昨天 Wasn't it yesterday
他们 That they
还是小不点 Were small?
日出 Sunrise
日落 Sunset
日出 Sunrise
日落 Sunset
一年一年 Swiftly
飞逝而过 Fly the years
季节 One season
交替 Following another
满载着幸福... Laden with happiness...
-别 快点 不是你 快点 -等等 No. Come on, not you. Come on. - Hold on.
-回去 伙计们 快点 -等等 等等 宝贝 - Get back in. Guys, come on. - Hold on. Hold on, honey.
-等等 -好狗狗 - Wait. - Good dog.
-季节... -怎么啦 - One season... - What's up?
我以为尼克今天会来这儿 I thought Nic was gonna be here today.
他来不了了 发生了点事儿 No. Something came up.
我能给他打电话吗 Can I call him?
不 不 你不能 No, no. You can't.
这是不可能的 It's not gonna be possible.
为什么 Why not?
因为就是不能 Because it's not.
尼克是不是又开始吸毒啦 Is Nic back on drugs again?
日出 Sunrise
日落 Sunset
-日出 -我们不知道 宝贝 - Sunrise - We don't know, honey.
日落 Sunset.
好吧 All right.
尼克从那以后已经一周没有回来了 我们试着是一切步入正轨 “他只是个青少年”“青少年有时候会失去自制力”“他应该打电话来的”.... 我作为父亲最害怕的事情发生了 我没能做一个一直支持孩子的爸爸...
他偶尔会给你发一些搞笑的邮件 他喜欢长面条胜过短面条 你见过我儿子吗？你见过我的漂亮男孩吗？ 告诉他 我很想他
加油 贾斯伯 耶 Come on, Jasper! Whup.
就是这样 Yup.
明白了吗 You got it?
操 好吧 嘿 劳伦 Fuck. Okay. Hey, Lauren.
-劳伦 我们走 -什么 - Lauren, let's go. - What?
我们得走了 We got to go.
-发生什么事儿了 -来 - What's going on? - Here.
我们得走了 We got to go.
好吧 Fine.
我想我刚才看见尼克了 I think I just saw Nic.
什么 What?
我想我刚才看见尼克和一个女孩跑走了 I think I just saw Nic and a girl running away.
尼克 Nic.
别出来 呆在里面 No. Stay inside.
-好吧 -别出来 - Okay. - No.
好了 别出来 呆在里面 我不是在开玩笑 好吗 All right, no. Stay inside! I am not kidding, all right?
呆在那儿 Stay there.
好吧 Okay.
-操 -再也不会了 - Shit. - Never again.
-没事儿的 嘿 -我们该怎么办 我们该怎么办 - It's okay. Hey. - What do we do? What do we do?
没事了 It's all right.
这太糟糕了 That was so terrible.
操 Fuck!
尼克 尼克 尼克 Nic? Nic? Nic!
宫廷里的女士们 All the ladies of court
聚集一处 Gather round
参加这庄严的送别会 Joining in heavenly fare
不 不 不 No. No. No.
收集着 Gathering promises
未来英雄们的承诺 Of future heroes
展示她们的信念 Showing faith
一切都随你而去 It is all as you go
红灯和绿灯 男人们全副武装 Red light and green light and men in their armor
如果你有勇气 就为女王而战斗 And fight for the queen if you dare
要检验你的勇气 It's a long way to go
仍有漫长的路要走 To test out your mettle
哦 仍有漫长的路要走 Well, a long way to go
一直走下去 To go down
我会给他们写一封信 And I'll write them a letter
我写道 原谅我们的所作所为 I said forgive all we've done
请先接受这份爱 先生 Please first grant this favor, sir
请快些原谅我们 否则我们会跑开 Forgive us quick or we'll run
否则我们会跑开 Or we'll run
快点 Come on!
否则 Or...
我们会跑开 We'll run...
对不起 真的对不起 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
好的 好的 Okay. Okay.
这里是911 你遇到了什么紧急情况 911. What is your emergency?
你好 我有个... 我 我和朋友在一起 Yeah. Hi. I got a f... I'm-I'm with a friend.
她毒品过量了 She just O.D.'d, and,
我需要一辆救护车 我需要帮助 I need an ambulance, I need some help.
先生 你会做心肺复苏吗 Sir, do you know CPR?
知道 我正在做 我... Yeah, I'm doing it right now. I just...
我们... 你们 你们 你们也得派救护车来 We... You-you guys, you got to send an ambulance,
-好吗 -你在哪里 -too, all right? -What is your location?
我不知道 Yeah, I don't know.
你 你 你们得追踪电话 Y-You-you guys are gonna have to trace the call.
你好 Hello?
你好 先生 你还在吗 Hello? Sir, are you still there?
先生 Sir?
先生 先生 Sir? Sir?
往上看 Look up.
亲爱的 我需要你往上看 Honey, look up for me.
你能往这儿看吗 Can you look up this way over here?
好的 听着 我们得送你去急诊室 Hey, look, we're gonna need to take you to the ER.
我 我不 我不想去 我... I-I don't... I don't want to. I-I...
-我们得带你去急诊室 -我很好 -We need to take you to the ER. -I'm fine.
她不想去急诊室 她... She doesn't want to go to the ER. She's...
她... 不 她一点都不好 我们得带她 She's... No, she's not okay. We need to take her
-去急诊室 -但她不想去 -to the ER. -But she doesn't want to go.
不 先生 她必须去 No, sir, she needs to go!
懂吗 Okay?
你对此有疑问的话我可以通知警方 You have a problem with that, I can inform the police.
可恶 Goddamn it.
你会过来看我的 对吗 You're gonna come and meet me, right?
-我会的 -你保证 -Yes. Yes! -You promise?
我爱你 I love you.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
-你保证你会来看我吗 -我会的 劳伦 -You promise you're gonna meet me? -Yes, Lauren.
我他妈会来看你的 你还想要我做什么 I'll come fucking meet you. What do you want from me?
-好吧 好吧 -真他妈苍了天了 -Okay, okay. -Jesus fucking Christ.
我是大卫·谢夫 David Sheff.
嘿 爸爸 是我 Hey, Dad. It's me.
-尼克 -是我 -Nic? -Yeah.
请你不要讨厌我 爸爸 Please don't hate me, Dad.
我知道我做错了 I know I did wrong.
我想停下来 但拜托 拜托 拜托 I want to stop, but please, please, please,
拜托 拜托 拜托不要送我去戒毒所 好吗 please, please, please no rehab, all right?
让我回家吧 你知道吗 Just let me come home. You know what?
我才意识到 其实我 我 需要回家 I realize it's actually I... I-I need to be home.
你们 你们能给我力量让我停下 You guys, you guys are gonna give me the strength to stop.
好吗 All right?
这事不可能 That's not going to happen.
我也希望我能帮到你 I wish that I could help you,
但我不能 but I can't do that.
我... 我做不到 I c... I can't.
请你帮帮我 爸爸 Please help me, Dad.
不 爸爸 我只是需要你一点帮助 No, Dad. I just need a little bit of help.
请你帮帮我 我想要回家 Please help me. I want to come home.
我能说的你都知道 All I can tell you is what you already know.
爸爸 你他妈为什么不听我说 Dad, why aren't you fucking listening to me?
-打电话给你的导师吧 -我现在 - Call your sponsor. - I don't want to talk
不想和导师讲话 我想和你说话 to my sponsor now. I want to talk to you.
向他们求助 Get help.
-我爱你 -爸爸 -I love you. -Dad, what...
我希望你能恢复正常生活 And I hope that you get your life together.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
我爱你 I love you.
-你好 -尼克给我打过电话 - Hello. - Nicolas called.
他听起来很绝望 He sounds desperate.
如果我们不做点什么 他会死的 Gonna die if we don't do anything.
这... Well...
即便我们做了什么他也会死的 he's gonna die even if we do.
我们做的事一点都没能影响到他 Nothing we do has any effect on him.
我失败了 I failed.
我知道你很羞愧 好吗 I know you feel ashamed, okay?
我也是 So do I.
但你做的够好了 大卫 But you have done great, David.
卡伦也是如此 谢谢你们所做的一切 And Karen, too, so thank you for that.
当我无能为力的时候你在为之努力 You were up for it when I wasn't,
现在我不会放弃了 and I'm not giving up now.
永远不会 Never.
但我一个人做不到 But I can't do it alone.
我需要你的帮助 I need your help.
我觉得你救不了其他人 薇琪 I don't think you can save people, Vicki.
你会帮我的 对吗 You can be there for them, can't you?
看这个 Look at this.
我要挂了 I'm done.
好吗 我... Okay? I...
好吧 Okay.
大家请注意 Hey, everybody.
是时候聚在一起了 Time to get together.
我... 我这周过得很差 I... I had a rough week.
你们当中有些人知道 有些人不知道 Some of you know, some of you don't.
我... I, um...
我失去了弗朗西斯 I lost my Frances this week.
周日她死于毒品过量 She died of an overdose on Sunday.
所以... So...
我想我正处于哀悼中 但我 我... I guess I'm in mourning, but I-I...
我意识到一些其他的事情 I realized something else.
实际上我这些年一直处在悲痛中 I've actually been in mourning for years.
因为即使她还活着的时候 她... 'Cause even when she was alive, she...
她也如同行尸走肉 she wasn't there.
当你哀悼生者的时候 When you mourn the living,
生活会很艰难 that's a hard way to live.
因此 在... And so, in...
在某种程度上 这样 in a way, it's-it's...
这样更好 我想 it's better, I guess.
她曾是一个非常可爱的年轻姑娘 She was a dear, dear young woman.
我总是感到... I always felt...
我需要... 强大起来 I needed to... to stay strong,
未来有一些大事 that there'd be some future event,
需要我用尽全力去面对它 and I'd... I'd need all my strength for it.
但是在此之后再也没有什么重要的事情了 But there are no events after this one.
我希望她现在并不痛苦 I hope she's not in pain now.
再见了 弗朗西斯 Bye, Frances.
嘿 Hey.
嘿 Hi.
他怎么样了 How's he doing?
医生在照看他 The doctor's with him now.
他说这简直是一个奇迹 He said it's close to a miracle
尼克注射了那么多毒品 居然还能活下来 Nic survived with all the drugs in his body.
过量吸毒是50岁以下美国人死亡的主要原因
在大家的支持和自己不懈的努力下 尼克已经保持了8年的清醒 —— 过好每一天
虽然戒毒治疗的资金和规范还远远不够 许多人仍在不辞辛劳地与毒品做斗争
帮助一直都在 帮助饱受毒瘾之苦的人 帮助爱他们的人 还有那些为他们伤透了心的人
大概是2000年的时候 我做了个白日梦 I was somewhere 2000 in a daydream
我四处逃避 无法面对事情 I was hiding, I couldn't face it
我曾经的生活飘忽不定 I used to live my life in the wind...
我感到格格不入 声音逐渐消散 I felt out of sync, audio phasing
感觉无法找到自己的位置 Felt like I couldn't find my place in
天空颤抖着 他们 他们变幻成雨 Sky shivers, they, they turn to rain
我再次改变 I turn again
我希望我们可以痊愈 I wish we could heal
我将带你回家 我将让你完整 I'll take you home, I'll make you whole
你让我希望 这些都不是真的 You make me wish that this wasn't real
因为你是 Because you're
你是我的宝藏啊 You're my treasure
因为你是 Because you're
你是我的宝藏啊 You're my treasure
我曾经的生活飘忽不定 I used to live my life in the wind
任何你可以畅游的地方 And I would fly
我都会在此翱翔 Wherever you would swim
我不能陪伴着你或是别的什么 I couldn't stand by you or anything
天空颤抖着 他们 他们变幻成雨 Sky shivers, they, they turn to rain
我再次改变 I turn again
我希望我们可以痊愈 I wish we could heal
我将带你回家 我将让你完整 I'll take you home, I'll make you whole
你让我希望这些都不是真的 You make me wish that this wasn't real
因为你是 Because you're
你是我的宝藏啊 You're my treasure
因为你是 Because you're
你是我的宝藏啊 You're my treasure
坏习惯 Bad habits
和那些欢愉时光 And good times
让我们一块承担 Let's take a risk
生命中的风险 On our lives
先收起微笑 Don't smile
也可能会哭泣 Just might cry
兜兜转转也有 Go around the roundabout
五次了 Like five times
身上有两道划痕 With two scratches
硬盘呐 Hard drive
敞开心扉 Open up to it
给我三次机会 Get me three times
停止说谎 Not lying
仰望天堂 Watch the heavens
向上 Goes up
三次 Three times
仰望天堂 Watch the heavens
随着日落 As the sun dies
连呼吸都充满挑战 When breathing even is a challenge
我不想失控 I don't want to lose control
我需要它 必须要 I need it, gotta have it
无法打破循环 （被困住） 无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck) so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住）无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck) so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住）无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck) so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住）无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck) so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住）无法打破循环 （被困住） so stuck in the loop (stuck) so stuck in the loop (stuck)
无法打破循环 （被困住）珍爱 so stuck in the loop (stuck) treasure
无论是安宁还是喜乐 "Either peace or happiness,
让它包围着你 "let it enfold you.
在我年少懵懂的时候 我觉得这些东西 "When I was a young man, I felt that these things
很愚蠢 而且过于天真 "were dumb, unsophisticated.
我愤世嫉俗 思想扭曲 "I had bad blood, a twisted mind,
经历了一个很危险的成长过程 "a precarious upbringing.
我曾像花岗石一样坚硬 "I was hard as granite.
斜睨太阳 "I leered at the sun.
不相信任何人 尤其是女人 "I trusted no man and especially no woman.
我把狭小的房间变成了地狱 "I was living a hell in small rooms.
摔碎和摧毁了很多东西 "I broke things, smashed things,
穿过玻璃 咒骂着 "walked through glass, cursed.
我挑战着身边的一切事物 "I challenged everything,
我不断地被驱逐和监禁 "was continually being evicted, jailed,
在频繁的打斗和自己的思绪中进进出出 "in and out of fights, in and out of my mind.
女人是用来折磨和责骂的 "Women were something to screw and rail at.
我没有男性朋友 "I had no male friends.
我频繁更换工作和搬家 "I changed jobs and cities.
我讨厌假期 婴儿 历史 "I hated holidays, babies, history,
报纸 博物馆 老奶奶 "newspapers, museums, grandmothers,
婚姻 电影 蜘蛛 收垃圾的人 "marriage, movies, spiders, garbagemen,
英式口音 西班牙 法国 意大利 "English accents, Spain, France, Italy,
核桃和橙色 "walnuts and the color orange.
代数使我生气 "Algebra angered me.
歌剧让我反胃 "Opera sickened me.
查理卓别林是个伪君子 "Charlie Chaplin was a fake.
鲜花是给娘娘腔的 "And flowers were for pansies.
在我看来 安宁和喜乐是自卑的表现 "Peace and happiness were to me signs of inferiority,
是软弱和混乱心灵的寄居者 "tenants of the weak and addled mind.
但当我继续我的巷战 "But as I went on with my alley fights,
近乎自我摧残的岁月 "my suicidal years,
跟无数女性发生过关系时 "my passage through any number of women,
我慢慢发觉 我并没有什么与众不同 "it gradually began to occur to me that I wasn't different
我跟他们是一样的 "from the others, I was the same.
他们的内心充满了仇恨 "They were all fulsome with hatred,
被无谓的抱怨所掩饰着 "glossed over with petty grievances.
和我在小巷里打架的人都是铁石心肠 "The men I fought in alleys had hearts of stone.
每个人都在互相一点一点地推搡着前进 "Everybody was nudging, inching,
只为了一些微不足道的利益而弄虚作假 "cheating for some insignificant advantage.
谎言是他们的武器 但是毫无计划 "The lie was the weapon, and the plot was empty.
黑暗是独裁者 "Darkness was the dictator.
有时候我会小心翼翼地让自己感觉良好些 "Cautiously, I allowed myself to feel good at times.
我在廉价的出租屋里找到了片刻的宁静 "I found moments of peace in cheap rooms
只需盯着梳妆台上的把手 "just staring at the knobs of some dresser
或者是在黑暗中聆听下雨的声音 "or listening to the rain in the dark.
我需要越少 我就感觉越好 "The less I needed, the better I felt.
也许是另一种生活已经让我疲惫不堪 "Maybe the other life had worn me down.
我不再觉得一些事情有吸引力 "I no longer found glamour
例如在对话中打败别人 "in topping somebody in conversation
或者是爬上某个喝醉了的可怜女人的身躯 "or in mounting the body of some poor, drunken female
使他们的生活陷入了悲痛之中 "whose life had slipped away into sorrow.
我无法接受生活的本来面目 "I could never accept life as it was.
无法欣然接受生活中的苦难 "I could never gobble down all its poisons.
但是生活中的有些部分 纤细而神奇的部分 "But there were parts, tenuous magic parts,
是供人询问的 "open for the asking.
我重生了 "I reformulated.
我不知道具体是什么时候 日期 时间那些的 "I don't know when-- date, time, all that--
但变化就这么发生了 "but the change occurred.
我心中的某个部分变得无拘无束和圆滑 "Something in me relaxed, smoothed out.
我不再需要去向谁证明我是个男人 "I no longer had to prove that I was a man.
不需要证明任何东西 "I didn't have to prove anything.
我开始看清一些东西 "I began to see things.
咖啡店柜台后面整齐排列的杯子 "Coffee cups lined up behind a counter in a cafe.
或者是一只在人行道上散步的狗 "Or a dog walking along a sidewalk.
或者那只在我梳妆台上面的老鼠 "Or the way the mouse on my dresser top
它就这么停在了那里 "stopped there, really stopped there,
它的身体 耳朵和鼻子也随之停住了 "with its body, its ears, its nose.
一动不动 但又有着一种生命力 "It was fixed, a bit of life caught within itself,
它的眼睛看着我 真是一双美丽的眼睛啊 "and its eyes looked at me, and they were beautiful.
然后它就跑开了 "Then it was gone.
我开始感觉良好 "I began to feel good.
我开始在最糟糕的情况下也感觉良好 "I began to feel good in the worst situations,
即使总有糟糕的事情发生 "and there were plenty of those.
就比如说坐在桌子后面的老板 "Like, say, the boss behind his desk.
他不得不开除我 "He is going to have to fire me.
我已经缺席了好多天 "I've missed too many days.
他穿着西装 打着领带 戴着眼镜 "He's dressed in a suit, necktie, glasses.
说‘我必须开除你了’ "He says, 'I am going to have to let you go.'
我告诉他‘没关系’ "'It's all right,' I tell him.
他必须做他该做的事 "He must do what he must do.
他有妻子 房子 孩子 "He has a wife, a house, children,
日常开销 甚至可能有情妇 "expenses, most probably a girlfriend.
我为他感到悲伤 "I'm sorry for him.
他被困住了 "He's caught.
我走到炽热的阳光底下 "I walk out into the blazing sunshine.
这一整天都是属于我的 虽然只是暂时的 "The whole day is mine, temporarily anyhow.
全世界人都被这个世界扼住了喉咙 "The whole world is at the throat of the world.
每个人觉得愤怒 不公 被欺骗 "Everybody feels angry, short-changed, cheated.
每个人都觉得沮丧 幻想破灭 "Everybody is despondent, disillusioned.
我欢迎短暂而又破碎的幸福 "I welcomed shots of peace, tattered shards of happiness.
我欣然接受了这些事物 仿佛他们是最受欢迎的数字 "I embraced that stuff like the hottest number,
像是高跟鞋 乳房 唱歌 画作 "like high heels, breasts, singing, the works.
不要误会我了 "Don't get me wrong,
愚蠢的乐观主义是真的存在的 "there is such a thing as cockeyed optimism
让人忽略一切最基本的问题 "that overlooks all basic problems
而只是为了自身的利益 "just for the sake of itself.
这是一个自我保护的盾 也是一种病态的现象 "This is a shield and a sickness.
那把刀子又逼近了我的喉咙 "The knife got near my throat again.
我差点又打开了那个开关 "I almost turned on the gas again.
但是当好的时光来临时 "But when the good moments arrived again,
我没有像在小巷里跟敌人打斗一样把它赶走 "I didn't fight them off like an alley adversary.
我让它们拥抱我 让我沉浸于中 "I let them take me. I luxuriated in them.
我欢迎着他们的归来 "I bade them welcome home.
我曾经看着镜子里的自己 "I even looked into the mirror once
觉得自己很是丑陋 "having thought myself to be ugly.
但是我现在喜欢我所看到的 "I now liked what I saw.
近乎帅气 "Almost handsome.
是的 稍微有些口子和不平的坑 "Yes, a bit ripped and ragged.
一些疤痕 硬块和皱纹 "Scars, lumps, odd turns.
但总的来说 还不算太差 "But all in all, not too bad.
近乎帅气 "Almost handsome.
至少比某些电影明星的样貌要好些 "Better at least than some of those movie star faces
仿佛是婴儿的臀瓣 "like the cheeks of a baby's butt.
最后我发现 "And finally I discovered
真正地为别人思考是无意间的 "real feelings for others, unheralded.
比如说最近 像是今天早上 "Like lately, like this morning,
当我离开的时候 我看见我妻子躺在床上 "as I was leaving for the track, I saw my wife in bed,
虽然只看到她头的形状 "just the shape of her head there,
她的被子拉的很高 所以只能看到她的头的形状 "covers pulled high, just the shape of her head there.
谨记几百年以来的生命和死亡 "Not forgetting centuries of the living and the dead
还有正在死去的 还有金字塔 "and the dying, the pyramids,
莫扎特死了 但是他的音乐仍然流传至今 "Mozart dead, but his music still there in the room,
杂菜在生长 地球在转动 "weeds growing, the Earth turning,
赌金揭示牌在等着我 "the tote board waiting for me.
我看到我妻子的头的形状 "I saw the shape of my wife's head,
她很平静 "she so still.
我为她的人生感到疼痛 "I ached for her life,
就那么静静地躺在被子下 "just being there under the covers.
我亲吻了她的额头 "I kissed her on the forehead,
走下楼梯离开了家 "got down the stairway, got outside,
坐进我非凡的车 系上了安全带 "got into my marvelous car, fixed the seat belt,
开始倒车 "backed out the drive.
感受着延伸到指尖的温暖 "Feeling warm to the fingertips,
脚踩着油门 "down to my foot on the gas pedal,
我再次进入了这个世界 "I entered the world once more,
驱车下山经过那些房子 "drove down the hill past the houses
它们要么人满为患 要么空荡荡的 "full and empty of people.
然后我看到了那个邮差 按了下喇叭 "I saw the mailman, honked.
他朝我挥了挥手 He waved back at me."